They are a major concern in this lifestyle to everyone, and that alone can help reduce the risk. The fact that people are thinking about it, helps us to take precautions. But we must keep in mind that even a condom doesn’t completely eliminate the risk of most STD’s. It is up to each of us to make sure that we know our partners, request recent test results, and make sure that we have ourselves tested, and above all (even though as I said before it doesn’t eliminate risk, it does reduce it to some degree) use a condom! It is also very important that if you have a sexually transmitted disease that you tell your potential partners before engaging in ANY sexual activities. Even if you had it previously and think it’s gone, many diseases stay with us for life, even though we show no symptoms.
Yes. It is even normal to be a little jealous every time you swing. We have dedicated a section to this topic, please see Jealousy and Swinging.
All kinds of people. Swingers come from all walks of life, all races, and all incomes. One common bond is that they are interested in exploring sexual fantasies, they are honest with themselves and others, and they tend to communicate better with their partners than the average couple. You'll find swingers who are teachers, doctors, attorneys, politicians, police men, firemen and even celebrities.
First of all, you must keep in mind that swinging is not for everyone. Before you can try to convince your partner to swing, you first need to look at yourself and why you want to swing. If the only reason you want to swing is so that you can “get more action”, then you shouldn’t even bother. That’s not what this lifestyle is about.
If, however, you want to swing because you want to help your partner live out fantasies while living out your own, or because you want to share the most special part of your life (your partner) with others, then you can start looking at how to convince your partner.
You may not even need to convince your partner. They may already be more than willing, all you have to do is let them know that you are. On the other hand, they may not have ever thought about it. The first thing you need to do is talk to them about your fantasies, perhaps leave a swinger magazine lying around for them to find to stimulate a conversation, or have them look through a swingers site like Swingular with you. Be open to any questions that they may bring up and be prepared to answer why you want to do this. If your partner lets you know that they have no interest in the lifestyle, then back off. Pushing them will get you nowhere. However, you can mention your fantasies to them, if you can get your partner turned on to your fantasies then you will have a much better chance of opening the lines of communication again and the chances of taking things further will increase.
The answer to this question is fairly simple; supply and demand. There just aren’t many single females in the lifestyle. Most females that are in the lifestyle are half of a couple and many couples don’t like to split up to play. The other side of the problem is that single females (bi in particular) are the most sought after portion of the swinging population. While there are more than enough single males to go around, most single females either don’t know about the lifestyle or just aren’t interested. Most of those that are involved in the lifestyle were brought in by a previous boyfriend or husband.
Then what are we supposed to do? Don’t give up, and consider opening your options. If you are looking for a single female to play mainly with the female half of your couple, then perhaps you could look for a couple with a bi-female and a husband who doesn’t mind watching. But remember, this won’t be fun for long, eventually people start to feel like they are being left out, of course that doesn’t mean you have to swap partners. You could always let the women play together then when they are done the guys can enjoy their own partners. However, if you are looking for a female so that you can have a threesome, then you will just have to be patient. It happens but you may have to wait a while.
With Luck. As mentioned before, as a single male, if you do manage to get involved in the lifestyle, then it is a privilege and requires the utmost in discretion. There are couples out there who are looking for single males; those are the ads you should answer. Don’t answer ads that aren’t looking for single males. If you are good-looking, clean, honest & discrete, you will have the best chance.
Something else that will help you is if you can get a girlfriend that is willing to swing with you, then you would be a couple. Many couples look at it as “if he can’t even get a girlfriend, why would we want him”.
There are couples out there that are looking for single men. Guys that are open and honest and not just out looking for an easy lay will have the best chance at being accepted by these couples. I suggest that if you really want to get involved in the lifestyle you try contacting couples in your area that are seeking single men, and let them know that you are interested. You can also find swinger websites out there with swingers personals (such as Swingular) and you should check out the various ones as different people place ads on different ones. You should also check the club listings for swinger clubs in your area that accept single males.
Please do not consider trying to get into the swinging lifestyle if you think this will be an easy way for you to get laid. That is not what this is about. This is about couples enjoying their sexual fantasies with other people that cannot be acted out with just the two of them. Since there are many couples that desire MFM 3-somes or where the husband enjoys seeing his wife with another male, there is a place for single males in this lifestyle, as long as the single male in question realizes what it is.
That depends on how ready you are, and what you are comfortable with. If you want to just jump in, then you might want to try visiting a local club in your area. If you just want to get a feel for what kind of people are in the lifestyle, then you might want to try an off-premise club. This will give you a chance to meet people without feeling any pressure to participate. If you are really ready to jump in and don’t mind a little help, then you could try an on-premise club, there you can not only meet other swingers but you can actually participate in swinging activities. Not that you will be required to, but you get the idea. If you prefer things a little more one-on-one (or two-on-two), then you might want to stick to placing and answering ads. You can meet great people this way and you will have a chance to get to know them better through communication before you even meet them face-to-face.
Meet someplace neutral; a bar or a restaurant is usually good. Since bars can be a bit noisy and crowded, restaurants are usually a better choice. This will give you a chance to talk and get to know each other. Remember to set up something with the people you are meeting so that you know who they are. Find out what kind of car they drive, what they will be wearing, etc. Make sure to set up signals with your partner ahead of time so that if either of you aren’t comfortable with the people you meet, you will know without having to flat out say “are you interested in these people”.
Make plans. You can either invite them back to your place right then and continue getting to know each other, or you can make plans to see each other another day. Invite them over to your place, or if you can’t, or don’t want to entertain, make plans for a hotel room or suggest going to their place. If indeed you all agree to carry on with your meeting at another location, it is important to express your boundaries with each other. In most cases, the guys do this while you ladies are in the powder room. Just remember that no matter what, no means no. Even though every thing may look like it’s a go, people can change their minds.
Things should always move as fast as the slowest person involved. If you aren’t ready yet, let them know. They’ll either back off and give you time, or they’ll decide they aren’t interested in waiting. If the latter happens, it’s their loss, not yours. Swinging should be about more than just sex and if they don’t see it that way, then they are definitely losing out. Don’t allow yourself to be coerced into a situation where you aren’t comfortable. If you are feeling pressured, say “No, Thanks,” then, if they don’t back off, it’s time to leave.
No, you should not. If this is something you are totally against, by all means, do not agree to swing. Another thing we have heard over the years is: “I'm doing this for him/her because it’s something he/she wants to do”. This is a BIG mistake and can possibly destroy your relationship or cause you to have bitterness towards your partner down the road.
On the other hand, if you find this to be, at the very least, intriguing, then by all means sit down and discuss your feelings and fantasies. You can then decide what you both would like to try. This lifestyle is purely for sexual pleasure; nothing more. By giving it a try you might be surprised at the effects it has on your own sex drive and your sex life with your mate.
Most couples that swing have a very strong relationship and want to expand their relationship by honestly sharing each other's sexual desires and fantasies. They feel this builds a stronger deeper relationship.
There are so many different ways to participate in the Swinging Lifestyle. Different individuals have a different comfort level with various aspects of the Lifestyle. Personally, we have met some wonderful people! You will find that there is a wide variety of couples in the Lifestyle with varied interests and many different objectives. We have met couples that we have become very friendly with and then we have met couples that are only interested in the sexual aspect of the Lifestyle and nothing more and we have also met couples that are just voyeurs. The point is that we all have different needs and limits. One should not assume that just because someone is at a Club or a swinger event, that they are ready to jump into bed with you.
So now you have met a nice couple that you would like to spend some time with and you are wondering what their comfort level is. Do they Full Swap, Soft Swing or something else. Lets talk about the difference between Full Swap and Soft Swing.
Full Swap is when you and your partner will engage in sexual intercourse with another couple. The man of couple number one would be with the woman of couple number two and the woman of couple number one would be with the man of couple number two. There may still be rules that apply to the situation, such as safe sex, maybe oral sex or kissing would be excluded, but Full Swap means intercourse with the other couple.
Soft Swinging by definition excludes intercourse with the respective member from the other couple. Couples that are “Soft Swingers” have decided that intercourse is something that they view as very intimate and do not wish to share with other people. Soft Swinging usually involves a significant amount of foreplay consisting of touching, kissing and oral sex (be aware that some Soft Swingers may not be comfortable with oral sex). Then the couples will reunite with their primary partner and engage in intercourse, often referred to as “Same Room Sex”.
It is always a good idea to ask the other couple if there are any rules that you should be aware of. By asking this question you will know beforehand what the other couple is thinking and it is a perfect opportunity for you to share any rules that you may have with them. Talk about your rules and limitations before you start to play. Make sure you keep the lines of communication open. Be up front and be honest.
How do you know what your limits are or if you even have any rules? No one can decide this for you. These are things that you need to discuss with your partner prior to participating in the Lifestyle. You may find that something as simple as kissing is considered to be very intimate and your partner may not want you to share that with other people. What are your views on safe sex, oral sex, same room sex, different room sex, etc. As in life, there will always be things that you did not plan for, if you do come across a situation that you are unsure on how to respond and you cannot discuss it with your primary partner, just politely say no thank you and move on to common ground.
Always remember, you are in control. No one can force you to do anything that you don’t want to do or are uncomfortable doing. If you clearly express your rules up front and you are feeling pressure to change those rules, you may want to consider finding another, more compatible couple to play with. Unless you and your primary partner have discussed changing or modifying your rules, don’t change them without first discussing it, this way you and your partner are always in agreement.
There are many different ways to participate in the Lifestyle. There is no right or wrong way. The “Swinging Lifestyle” is predominately married couples. However, there are an increasing number of single men and women, unmarried couples and couples married to other people, that are enjoying the benefits of being in the lifestyle.
Many couples have started off looking for that all elusive single female to join them in a threesome. After searching for that single beauty and coming up empty, couples have found that it is much easier to meet other couples. With that being said, there are couples in the lifestyle that are looking for a single male or female and not other couples. Being a single in the Lifestyle can at times leave you feeling like a fifth wheel and you may feel very out of place. Then there are those situations where you will be the center of attention.
Some things to be careful of if you are a single individual is to make sure that you are welcome. Don’t force yourself into a situation. Remember that there are two or more people that need to accept into their relationship and unlike two couples enjoying the Lifestyle, there are different issues to be aware of. For example, jealousy would be top on the list, whether you are a single male or female, you are having a very intimate encounter with the a couple. Trust me when I tell you that there are different thoughts that go through ones head when they are watching their partner having sex with another individual and they are not preoccupied by someone else. There isn’t much you can do about this, but you should be sensitive. Try and involve everyone in the group. Don’t monopolize the situation. If everyone has a wonderful and fulfilling time, you can count on being invited back, but if the both parties in the couple that you were involved with didn’t enjoy the experience, your chances of being invited back are slim and none.
It can be difficult to meet other like minded couples and individuals if you are selecting to be single and participate in the Lifestyle. Many Clubs and Conventions will not admit a single male or female. Some Clubs may allow a single individual if they are accompanied by a couple. An alternative to participating as a single, is to find another single of the opposite sex so that you may participate as a couple. This does not insinuate that the two of you become “an item”, just that you go to Clubs together and possibly meet other couples as a couple.
There are also those couples that are married, just not to each other. Obviously, this type of arrangement can get complicated and while I am not passing judgement, there is a risk that one of the spouses of the non-married couple could find out and that could lead to set of problems that we would all like to avoid. Discretion is very important in all aspects of the Lifestyle.
If you participate in the Lifestyle, always respect other peoples feelings and concerns.