Swinging can be an emotionally charged lifestyle. First of all, we “are” talking about having sex with someone other than your own spouse. That by itself can be a daunting prospect, especially for couples who haven’t talked a lot about their sexual fantasies. Second, every event you attend is a test of your people skills: you must make a conscious effort to behave diplomatically, and that’s not always easy when you’re used to dealing with your spouse who knows and understands your moods and various tones of voice. Finally, finding couples whom you are attracted to and who are attracted to you is a lot like dating, you try to make a good impression, you send what you hope are appropriate signals, you ask the big question, and you might get rejected. Here are some “basic rules” to remember.
Honestly, there are a lot of people that do not have good first experiences as they enter the lifestyle. Being with another couple that is too pushy or doesn’t respect boundaries, or having it not live up to the expectations they have set through either porno films, other experiences or personal expectations, it can leave some people feeling cheated or find it less than appealing.
One of the common expectations and one that causes a lot of personal conflict at first is expecting hot, passionate sex with other people. But when it’s all said and done, a lot of people, especially women, feel that it felt empty and not completely satisfying.
While we are not experts, we would probably say that it has to do with the expectations we have set for sex.
For most of us, sex is connected to love, affection, intimacy and security. Sex in the lifestyle is just sex, recreational sex, sex just for fun. Without the love, affection and intimacy we are used to, it can seem empty and hollow.
While you might be with a person that has a great technique, or can make you tingle all over, without the safety, security, and love you get from your spouse, it can never compare or even come close to what your spouse has to offer you. It is just sex, nothing more.
Many people have a first experience, and then take quite awhile before coming back for more. Many people never come back for more. For them, the feeling of emptiness was too much to work through.
Some people experience a feeling of guilt. This is normal; after all we were all brought up thinking having sex with someone other than our mate was wrong. The best thing to do is to discuss with your mate your feelings, what you liked and what you disliked. In most cases this will help resolve this feeling.
Everyone gets started in this lifestyle differently. We feel the best way is to start slow. Perhaps you may want to start with just being in the same room with another couple and watching each other, or perhaps the guys just watching the ladies. The main thing is to do what you are comfortable with and when you feel that you can go one step further talk with your mate about it. If you are both comfortable about it, do it.