A friend of mine outside the lifestyle says she could never be a swinger because she’s afraid she will meet the man of her dreams. I feel that she is looking at swinging in the wrong context. It’s not about falling in love (except with your own partner). It’s about enhancing an existing strong and stable relationship.

Needless to say, this is a “very” sensitive area. I believe that somewhere between love and ambivalence lies a very happy, healthy, “sexy” medium that can only be called lust. It’s ok to lust after someone other than your spouse. This is what drives the whole lifestyle experience because if you didn’t feel “lust” for a person, you most likely wouldn’t do anything with them.

Okay, you may ask, but why is it ok to lust after people in the lifestyle? First of all, it’s natural to feel positively inclined toward people who treat you well and make you feel good. For many people, men and women, participating in the lifestyle gives their ego a boost when they discover that other members of the opposite sex find them attractive. It’s the old “I still got it!” that charges up their own feelings of sexual confidence which increases the amount of sexiness they project. When you walk around feeling sexy about yourself, it’s pretty easy to feel “lustful” toward others.

Also, it’s a heck of a lot easier to have good sex with someone if you are attracted to them. Isn’t this true even outside the lifestyle? It's been a while since I've been on the dating scene, but last time I checked, it was hard to get into it if you had to put a bag over your partner’s head or tape their mouth shut to keep them from revealing any more “personality.”

And of course, it’s possible (even likely) that you’ll meet people with whom you want to become closer friends outside the lifestyle. Developing friendships within the lifestyle is a happy side effect of meeting so many nice, sexy new couples.

None of this can be a problem if you and your mate talk about it openly, and if you are able to identify your feelings and separate them from the way you feel about your spouse.

Emotional attachment is a problem when you start to “fall in love”. Falling in love with someone you swing with is a BAD idea for several reasons:

1. It can lead to illicit sexual encounters, which is “cheating” on your spouse. If you’ve ever wondered where to draw the line between swinging and cheating, this is it.
2. It can lead to the breakup of two good relationships.
3. It can sour you or your “love” completely on the lifestyle. After all, if you marry a man who left his wife for his swinging partner, you “get” a man who would leave his wife for his swinging partner. If you like the lifestyle, don’t screw it up by falling in love.

The lifestyle is about sexual pleasure, finding new things that make you feel good, and finding new ways to make your relationship more satisfying. Communicating with your spouse is the most important factor in having fun within the lifestyle.